The afternoon was sunny. We fought with words and slayed each other with the swords of hatred and love. And you left never looking back, never giving a fig. Your yellow dress slowly mingled with other people walking in the busy street. I stood there, alone, motionless, broken and upset. I looked at the street lights, the crowd and felt the boisterous noises surrounding me. I found myself standing before a very famous café and people inside might be engaged either in small talks or heavy conversations. They might be enjoying their cappuccino or espresso. The lights inside the cafe were pale yellow. That very shade of yellow carries a color of frustration. I lit up a cigarette.
By chance, my eyes caught a couple inside the café; they were too adorable, intensely engrossed in each other, sipping the cold coffee from the same long glass. I felt bad…for myself, for my girlfriend and for our love.
Evening is the time when you are bound to be alone or sad. I tried to control myself, stop my tears, tried to look at other girls walking in stilettos and hotpants. I tried to avert myself from her thoughts. I lit up another cigarette. The smoldering fire was trying to calm me down. I remembered how many counters we shared. Again my eyes rolled into the cafe. The lights inside were still dim but slightly brighter than earlier due to the upcoming darkness. And finally it darkened. I decided to have something from the cafe and walked inside. The sweet creamy pastry seemed insipid to me and the milky coffee didn’t give me any charm. I ordered a cupcake. It came in a white dish; the cake topped with a little chocolate ball and a little candy floss. Surprisingly I enjoyed it like girls do. I enjoyed the cupcake as if she was with me. Slowly, the thought separation walked out of my head and I only thought of the still fresh memories. I remembered how much she loved the cupcakes.
I looked at the streets. A child was selling roses. Another child was busy selling balloons to a child sitting inside a car. I packed a box of cakes and went outside. The busy city walks around, rides bikes and cars never showing some love to the street children.
When I distributed the cakes among children I saw the café lights glowing in brightest shade of yellow.
A thousand years from now…
I will only remember how we loved each other
how I forgot about the world on seeing your beautiful face
how we looked at the full moon
how we enjoyed the summer breeze
how we enjoyed a motorcycle ride against the winds, how we were scared to ride on a merry-go-round; how we spread colors in the air
but…I will never remember how we fought daily, how we spent sleepless nights after quarrels
how we cursed each other
how we prayed for separation
how we never stopped each other from walking out
how we tried to destroy everything in our living room
Love, I will remember you, not the destructive storm you carry inside!!
To my girl,
You are the love letter, I can’t read anymore, the same I hate to throw away
You are the broken nest, I can’t stay anymore
You are the melted eyeliner because of heavy teardrops, I can’t blot with my shirt or handkerchief
You are the story of broken home, I would die to rebuild…
Girl, you are the story to tell, notes to take and wishes to pin; but sadly, you are not someone to keep inside the pocket of my soul; you are always happy to be pick-pocketed. As long as you are with someone, they have most valuable gold coin in the world; and when you go they are pauper, penniless…a parasite. Still, you are someone to paint the days with brightest shade of yellow. I will always adore the afterglow of the sun when it sets rather than mourn over the coming darkness. I will appreciate the day even after sunset. I will admire you even if you go. You have made me believe in building castle in the air. You have made me realize how it feels to be in the storm and still feel like dancing. You have made me watch the beauty of a flying feather. You have made me realize the beauty of fallen leaves. You are a wildflower, you energize everyone to be wild.
Even if we part ways, even if we may call it quits, still the journey with you is a legacy. Guess what, even today when I stand at the window of our “ready to collapse house of love”, I only see “love”, still left in us. I don’t see future, but I see the finest sides of life. You are the cuckoo of the spring, no matter how many springs I’ve already spent inhaling other flowers or watching the other birds, I will still fall for you. And you will make me realize, what a life changing experience it is to listen to cuckoo’s song for the first time at the advent of the spring!
Pic courtesy: Fanpop
To the person who leaves,
You may go, dear. I will not hold you back. I will let you go, I will let you fly. I will make sweets and pack those in your box. I will cook fish on the day you decide to leave. In Bengali traditions, fish is auspicious. Fish will make your journey peaceful. I will ask goddess Durga to keep you safe, but will never ask you to stay. I will never say, “Don’t leave me.” If one stops a person who leaves, it gives dreadful results. So, I won’t stop you. It is truly the time to say ‘goodbye.’
I will keep you in my thoughts, in my memories and mementos. You might lose yourself in another city, in another place, in another woman. I might still love you the way I had loved for the first time.
The girl you decided to leave.
Pic courtesy: pt.depositphotos.com